Hopes and Wishes
by MaryRussellgrl
Summary: Grissom must face a world without Sara and deal with his commitment issues or he will lose her for good.


I moved in bed rolling over only to find the other side empty. Lifting my head I knew he was gone. Landing on my back I looked up at the ceiling as I rubbed my head remembering the sounds we made and his lips kissing along my body. His hands explored areas while he moved against me.

Everything changed. I came to work still thinking about our bodies entwined. His office door was open as I knocked seeing him glance up at me as he wrote something on a paper at his desk.

"Hey." I said

"Close the door." He said

I slowly closed it walking up to the desk.

"Last night was…um."

"It never happened." He said, still looking down.

"What?"

He looked up at me stone faced.

"It never happened. After this moment it never happened. I don't want to hear about it again."

"Grissom, you act like it was a mistake."

"I was," He said, looking down. "I brought you home and things got out of hand. I felt bad for you after we talked and I just….forgot myself."

"You mean it was a pity….?

"It was nothing. Now is that understood?"

I just stood there staring at him not believing what I was hearing. He just looked at me as if nothing last night meant a thing.

"Is that understood?"

I nodded wanting to cry. He looked down not saying another word. I walked back to the door looking back at him, before leaving.

The entire shift I could not concentrate on my work. Nick asked me three times if I was all right and I just blankly nodded. After work I sat in my car in the parking lot sitting staring at nothing feeling some tears travel down my cheeks. My heart started to ache as I remembered how gentle he was in bed. The kiss that started it all on the couch after we talked.

Voices caught my attention as I watched Grissom and Catherine walking to their cars talking. I sniffed wiping my eyes as I started my car going. Grissom watched my car leave the parking lot quickly.

I came home locking the door walking over to the kitchen grabbing a bottle of wine which I took with me to the bedroom. The next shift I nursed a hangover sitting in the break room with messed hair looking like death. Grissom came in getting coffee. He became aware of me sitting on the floor at the corner of the room holding my head as a cup of hot coffee sat beside me on the floor. He walked over concerned kneeling down in front of me. I looked over as he touched my leg.

"You okay?"

I nodded grabbing the cup of coffee from the floor. He watched me drink some holding my head with my hand.

"You don't look well."

"I'm fine." I said, annoyed.

"Okay."

He stood walking out looking in at me as he walked in the hallway. I closed my eyes trying to ease the pounding I felt. As the days past he watched me seeing that I looked sicker than the day before. Other's noticed as well bringing it up to him.

Walking to my car that Friday I saw Grissom standing next to it watching me walk over.

"Why are you lurking by my car?" I asked

"I am worried about you." He said

"You don't have to be."

"Someone does."

I made a sound walking past him to unlock my car. He moved standing in front of my door.

"I would like to go home." I said

"Your not going anywhere until I say so."

I looked at him seeing he meant it.

"I know you are drinking."

"So?" I said

"So, it is affecting your job. Do you want to get fired?"

"I don't care anymore." I said, looking to the side.

"Is this about that night?"

I laughed looking at him.

"Not everything is about that night. Fire me or leave me alone I don't care."

"Fine, you're on suspension without pay for the next week."

"Great more drinking time."

"Oh no, you are not drinking again."

"You can't stop me!" I said, glaring at him.

"I can and will. You're coming to my place."

"I am not!"

He took me by the arm leading me to his car as I argued with him. He looked over at me as he stopped at a light. I stared ahead with my arms crossed over my chest. He sighed stepping on the gas when the light turned green. We entered his place as he closed the door I stood still looking at him.

"The spare room is the first door upstairs." He said

I went up the stairs slamming the door. He shook his head as he walked to the kitchen. I laid on my side in the bed looking over at the dimly lit wall. I could hear him coming up the stairs. He stood outside my door as I saw his shadow standing still. Then he walked away going to his room.

Later I tried to quietly go down his steps to leave when he opened his door looking groggy from sleep seeing me.

"What are you doing?" He asked

"I am leaving."

"I told you to stay." He said, walking over.

"Look, let's just stop pretending. You don't want me here and I don't want to be here."

"If it means that you don't drink then I will gladly make the sacrifice." He said

I sighed sitting on the steps. He came down sitting next to me.

"Sara, I feel like this is my fault." He said

I looked at him as he turned to look at me.

"If I hadn't slept with you then you would be okay and we could get back to our lives."

"It's not that simple." I said

"Why?"

"Grissom, I have been….in love with you for years. That night just….made me think that you did love me to and that we were just in the beginning stages of something great. Then you…ruin it."

"I only said the truth. That is no reason to drink."

"It is if you are rejected." I said, looking down.

He looked down rubbing his hands together.

"Where do we go from here?" I asked

"I am your boss and you are my employee."

"Right." I said, standing going down the stairs.

"Sara, even if I could just forget our careers and make love to you every night proclaiming my love would you be happy forever?"

"I don't know, but I think for a while I would be." I said, looking up at him.

He stood coming down facing me.

"I can't be that person. You need to find someone who can give you all those things and more."

Stepped closer to him I saw his confused look. He didn't move as I put my arm around his neck kissing him on the lips. I moved back searching his eyes then I walked to the door.

"Goodbye Grissom."

"Goodbye?" He said, looking over at me.

I looked back at him.

"I am quitting CSI. I will come by tomorrow and hand in my badge and gun."

"Sara…."

"I can't work with you anymore."

He watched me leave closing the door. The next day I cleaned my locker out handing my things over to Catherine since I could not handle seeing Grissom again. She sadly watched me walk out the front doors leaving.

I sat in my car outside of the building looking at it wondering what I should do now. Grissom came out of the building seeing me leave as he held the manila envelope that held my things. He looked down taking my name tag out looking at it sadly.

A week later he sat thinking about me at his desk. Catherine walked in making him jump as she put a file on his desk.

"Henson case." She said

"Oh, thanks." He said, taking it.

"Gil?" She said

He looked up at her.

"Get her back."

"I can't."

"You have been moping since Sara left. You need her. Call her."

"It's not that simple."

"Stop being stubborn and call her."

He sighed watching her leave his office as he looked at his phone on his desk. I put some books in a cardboard box when the phone rang. I put my cell to my ear.

"Hello?"

Grissom stalled in the reply as he heard my voice.

"Hello?"

"Sara, its Grissom."

I froze as I heard his voice. My heart fluttered which I made stop.

"Hi Grissom, what can I do for you?"

"I just….wanted to tell you the lab needs you."

"I actually have a new job."

He stood in surprise.

"A new job?"

"Yes, I am packing to move to Washington D.C."

"Washington?"

"A friend of mine got me a job in the FBI as a field agent. He got the paper work in so I start in a two weeks."

"Well that is great."

I looked down as he was quiet.

"Look Grissom, I am sorry about everything."

"Me to."

I looked down at the box I was packing as we both were silent.

"I should get back to packing."

"I should get back to work." He said

"Bye."

"Goodbye."

I hung up looking at my phone as he hung up his sitting back in his chair sighing.

A month later I walked to the FBI building in Washington. It had been hard to adjust and forget, but after a month I was able to make myself at home. Grissom walked into the FBI building a few hours later as he talked to a director about a case. He chose to come after being called to give some insight on a case. Plus he wanted to see me.

I walked down a hallway giving a paper to an agent named Peter in an office. As I came out the elevator down the hallway opened and I saw Grissom walk out in a black suit with the director. Freezing I noticed them walking my way. I knew I should hide but my body would not move. Grissom saw me wanting to capture the image. He noted how beautiful I looked with my hair curled and makeup perfectly placed on my face.

"Agent Sidle, I believe you remember Doctor Gil Grissom?"

"Yes, how are you?" I said, noting the tremor in my voice.

"I am very well, Agent Sidle." He said, as he searched my eyes.

I coughed breaking the contact.

"I should get back to work. Nice to see you again." I said, walking past them. Grissom watched me go then he smiled at the director motioning him to lead the way.

I got home to my apartment just leaning against the door closing my eyes as I thought about Grissom. I tried to forget him then he shows up. A knock made me jump. Opening the door I saw him standing with a long black coat on glistening from the rain outside. He looked at me as I looked at him.

"Sara…I." He said, stopping as I came forwards kissing him. He kissed me back letting me pull him inside. I closed the door behind him never breaking the kiss. The memory of his soft lips was coming back. I pulled his coat off moving him back against the door. Moving back I breathed in and out fast looking down as I unfastened his belt. I got it loose then I kissed him again moaning as he deepened the kiss. Pulling him with me we ended up on my couch.

I moaned moving as I woke up feeling his warm chest against my cheek. Opening my eyes I realized I was against his naked body on the couch. I sat up pulling the blanket that laid on us over my nude body looking back at him sleeping still. He looked so handsome and the love I felt for him was back with the vengeance. He moved his head as I stood. His eyes opened seeing me looking down at him.

"It's five-thirty; I have to go to work in a hour."

He sat up looking down at himself then at me.

"Or you could come back to the lab."

I sat down on the couch looking at him.

"I have a life here."

"We need you back." He said

"What about you?"

"I…." He said, looking down.

"Here we are again." I said, getting up walking to my kitchen. Grissom stood putting on his boxers and white under shirt coming over to see me making coffee.

"Sara, last night was nice, but…."

"You don't want it to happen again." I said, walking past him to go to my bedroom.

"You're making this difficult for me."

"Grissom, before you came here I was getting back to life. Making a home for myself." I said, looking at him.

"Sara, you know if I could love you I would." He said, walking over to me.

"Go back to Las Vegas."

I turned to go, but he pulled me back searching my eyes.

"I need you to come back."

"What does that mean?"

"It…It means I need you."

I stared at him seeing he was begging.

"Sara, I need you." He said, quietly.

A tear went down my cheek as I looked at him.

"I have to get ready for work."

He slowly nodded watching me go to my bedroom shutting the door. As I closed it my hand went to my mouth as I cried. Grissom watched the door close then he looked down.

Work was unbearable as I thought of Grissom. I knew he was leaving in the evening to go home. I came home looking around the apartment hearing the silence. Walking across the room I clicked on the messages.

"You have one new message." The voice said, followed by a beep.

"Ah Sara, this is Grissom. I am at the airport waiting for my flight. Look, I know who I am and who you are. We are different and yet the same. We will never be able to make other relationships work because….we really do belong together. I suppose I am trying to say that I…I do love you."

I wiped my eyes as he was quiet listening to an announcement.

"That is my flight I have to go." He said, before hanging up.

Sniffing, I looked at my watch deciding to race to the airport. I ran out of the apartment getting a taxi. Traffic was hard to get through, but finally the taxi made it to the airport entrance and I ran in. As I raced to the place the flight to Las Vegas was I saw a woman closing the door to get on the plane.

"Wait!" I yelled, causing her jump looking back at me. "The plane, is it still here?"

"No honey, it left five minutes ago." She said

I stared at her in shock. Walking over to the chairs that were in a row I slumped down looking out the window wanting to cry. I looked down at my hands in my lap feeling so lost. My cell phone rang and I put it to my ear.

"Sidle." I said, standing walking over to the large window seeing the planes take off.

"Sara, you okay?" Grissom asked

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You sound like your crying."

"I got your message."

"What do you think?"

"I think I love you to." I said, wiping my eyes. "I…ah actually raced to the airport to see you, but your plane left."

"We always miss each other."

"Yeah." I said, wiping another tear as I looked up at the planes in the air.

"I wish you were here."

"Me to."

"Do you want to come back?"

"I do, if you meant what you said."

"Honey, of course I did."

"Then yes I do want to."

"Why not come with me now?"

"I can't, the plane left."

"I didn't."

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Turn around."

I turned seeing him standing behind me hanging his phone up smiling at me. I lowered my hand looking at him. He slowly walked over to me.

"I missed the flight to."

Shaking, I leaned in kissing him feeling his arms go around me. I could feel the difference in his embrace which was gentler and loving. All my fears were gone and all the hopes and wishes were only beginning.


End file.
